Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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