something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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