You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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