hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
