She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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