I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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