lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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