listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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