apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
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I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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