His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
