Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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