she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
