My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
