yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
