Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
