so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
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