I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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