I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
