My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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