im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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