You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
