So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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