My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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