is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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