I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
