I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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