But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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