if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
