Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
