I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
