Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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