Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
