Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
