Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
