4 words: hood of his car
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
