This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
