Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
