I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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