i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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