I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
