so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
