Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
