Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my being single is dangerous.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
