I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
