god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
