he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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