yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
