Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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