I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
