you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
