He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i now understand why vodka
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
