I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
