I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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