dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
