were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
